Alexandra and the terrible, horrible no good very bad day

Some days are just like that.  I started sneezing in the morning and found a small cold sore bump by noon.  My usual coping methods of dealing with stress were used up and I knew that my had come as far as I could go on my own, so Monday morning I decided to create a stronger safety net, including a therapist and my general Dr. to help get me through this next hump.    And good timing too,  I have reached my limit with stress.

The hump is more then the cold.  The hump is the whole picture of trying to put closure on a very painful part of my life.   The house up on the hill sold and the proceeds need to be divided and debts settled and none of it has gone smoothly.  It has been like walking through mud with wet woolens on, in the rain.  And I have yet to fully deal with all the emotions around the last 10 years of my life.  I have been waiting for Will to leave for Alaska so that he does not have to watch me go through it.   Court dates are scheduled for the 9th and the house closes on the 15th.

And kids are going back to school and Elizabeth has her first soccer game and she will be a senior, but I will miss most of it because I live in Vermont and she lives in New Hampshire with her dad and I miss her so it aches beyond words.  But moving back to New Hampshire would just upset the apple cart and would add a level of muck to her life, so I will stay here and see her when she has breaks.   Emilie is in New Hampshire too and is living her own life and is beyond needing Mum around, so the empty nest feelings come flooding in like this each fall.

And William is taking off for a while, which is good for both of us, but I will miss him and I am sure the time will fly, but right now it seems like 20 days is F-o-r-e-v-e-r…. and so I have not been sleeping.  And that always is trouble.   And so a cold.

A cold is an advantageous little bug, creeping into your system while your reserves are down, and stress will do that.  Lower your reserve and lay you open to all sort of nasties.  And I know why I am coming down with a bug because the day before it hits, I cry.  At the drop of a hat, and for no reason, other then being very glum.  And generally I know that it is a sign that I have a cold or flu brewing.   Little kids are like that too.  They get over tired and then fussy beyond fussy and the next thing you know, they have a snotty, boogger nose and they can’t breath and they cry.

I will blame this particular cold on Linda from the office.  She had it first and was out last week for a day or two.  She was the first one that spotted my symptoms yesterday and said that it was just how her cold started.   I will blame her, knowing that I got the cold because I was ripe for the picking.

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